“Nobody understands what you put me through, not even my best friends. I hardly understand the situation myself, but all I know is that I’m crazy for you. You scare me so much and yet I can’t let you in because I don’t want to get hurt. I’m not strong enough to get hurt again. I want you to open up to me, show me that you care. I need you to pick me up off the ground. I need you to love me.”—
we got our exams back today for most of our subjects. one in particular caught my interest and that would be art.
as i got a reasonably good result i was rewarded a sticker. But it was no normal sticker, it was a smiley face drawn on a post-it note! i think this is the most interesting sticker i have ever received in my life……
i want to be able to be myself with out having to be afraid of judgement.
I want to be free to be i am.
but how can i do that when i don’t know who i am suppose to be?
1. lack of confidence or assurance; self-doubt 2. the quality or state of being insecure; instability —Synonyms 2. precariousness, shakiness, vulnerability.
that is what some people would say. It’s not a disease, you can’t cure that easily. I wish you could, but i know that wishing is useless. I have enough sense to know that.So what else can you do but to hide?
During this holiday i have read several books and watched an unhealthy amount of movies. Three in particular stood out.
1. Mouthing the words by Camilla Gibb
2. Damaged by Cathy Glass
3. The Orphanage (2008)
Surprisingly, as if in coincidence, all of them are revolve around children. Problematic children at that. I personally found at a bit unsettling. They all have imagaginary friends that dominate them, control them and haunts them. Some say that imagaginary friends are sometimes good for kid. But you know it’s going out of hand when they begin to refuse real friends.
There was this girl, she was 6 or maybe 7. She couldn’t look after herself, she didn’t know how to talk and how to hold a doll. Her mother didn’t try, the social service didn’t try.She’s thin. Too thin. Her cheeks seemed sunken; her eyes were lost.This is her story.
“Of course I’m holding back. I’m insane, you idiot. Remember the other day when you told me I had pit stains? Well, I have cried every fifteen minutes on the half hour since you told me that. I am racked with self doubt, I have painc attacks, I’m claustraphobic, germaphobic, phobiaphobic, I talk to myself, I talk to my cats, I talk to three separate shrinks about the fact that often my cats respond to me in my mother’s voice. And, yesterday, when that stupid, pretty surgical nurse handed you a pair of latex gloves, I almost killed the guy who’s leg I was stitching up because I couldn’t stop thinking about the two of you having sex on a box of steaks. Why a box of steaks? Because my dad had an affair with a female butcher and, as I mentioned before, I am insane. There, I opened up. Are you happy?”—Elliot Reid, Scrubs (via quote-book)
Christians always questioned themselves about what Jesus would do. So for Easter this year, we did a role play of what we think Jesus did during his life on our humble planet. I think we did a fairly close representation; chilling with friends and drinking a insane amount of liquor. I mean as someone once pointed out Jesus just hung out with 12 of his mates and a prostitute. Well we didn’t hang out with a prostitute and we had a few lot more than 13 of us….
But whatever, we all had a fun night that’s worth remembering.
Seeing as how Easter is also a holiday to celebrate the existence of the Easter bunny, a few of us decided to clog our bodies with excessive amount of sugar. So much so that one managed to almost kill himself. The food ranged from chocolate eggs to mocha cupcakes to chocolate milk. It wasn’t necessarily the most healthy diet one can have, but it seems to be an increasingly normal diet for children and teenagers alike in today’s society. The night was also filled with some all time favourite movies like The Simpson’s Movie and Beauty and the Beast. Also as entertainment was the Fanpire Magazine which was every one’s favourite.
The gallows in my garden, people say, Is new and neat and adequately tall; I tie the noose on in a knowing way As one that knots his necktie for a ball; But just as all the neighbours on the wall Are drawing a long breath to shout “Hurray!” The strangest whim has seized me… After all I think I will not hang myself to-day.
To-morrow is the time I get my pay My uncle’s sword is hanging in the hall I see a little cloud all pink and grey Perhaps the rector’s mother will NOT call I fancy that I heard from Mr. Gall That mushrooms could be cooked another way I never read the works of Juvenal I think I will not hang myself to-day.
The world will have another washing-day; The decadents decay; the pedants pall; And H.G. Wells has found that children play, And Bernard Shaw discovered that they squall; Rationalists are growing rational And through thick woods one finds a stream astray, So secret that the very sky seems small I think I will not hang myself to-day.
Prince, I can hear the trumpet of Germinal, The tumbrils toiling up the terrible way; Even to-day your royal head may fall I think I will not hang myself to-day.